The Ceremony Script

Back in the day, couples tied the knot in churches, synagogues, or courthouses. The only real twist was a quick trip to Vegas. No matter where it happened, one thing was consistent: the couple had zero say in the script or vows. The only thing personalized was their names. Otherwise, it was the same script on repeat. Ever wonder why priests never need a script?

As time rolls on, we evolve as people and as a society. I’d bet my last slice of wedding cake that today, more folks are ditching tradition for a ceremony that screams "us" as a couple.

Maybe you’re all about the classic wedding, and that’s cool. Or perhaps you’re the type who’d rather bungee jump off a bridge after saying "I do" instead of walking down the aisle. That’s fine too, as long as you’ve got a pro setting it up. The point is, couples have more freedom and choice in crafting their ceremony, and that’s just beautiful. So, here are some tips I’ve gathered from my own journey officiating weddings:

• If you want something less traditional and more custom, chat with each officiant about your vision. Ask questions and ensure you’re involved from start to finish.

  
  

• Don’t be shy about requesting changes to the first, second, or even third draft of the script. This is YOUR day, not theirs. When I’m up there, it’s not the Minister Carrie show—it’s YOUR wedding.

  
  

• In New Jersey, only two parts of a wedding ceremony are legally necessary: your consent to marry and the minister’s pronouncement. That’s it! Everything else is just fluff. Of course, fluff can be meaningful, but know which parts are legally required.

  
  

• Keep it short and sweet, or Grandpa will be snoring in the front row. We’ve all been to that wedding where the groom’s brother officiates and feels the need to recount their entire life story. Your guests will start scrolling through social media to stay awake. The script should be about 10 minutes. Fifteen is doable if you have engaging elements like a sand ceremony, candle lighting, or handfasting.

  
  

• Speaking of keeping things short, consider this when writing your vows. Let’s not turn it into a 10-minute monologue. If your vows are as long as a four-page script, it’s time to trim them down. Make them impactful and profound rather than long and drawn out. Save the extra sentiments for a speech during the reception.

  
  

• Make it personal. I love scripts that include special tidbits meaningful to the couple, like a significant poem or a line from a movie. A script that’s uniquely theirs and couldn’t be reused by another couple.

  
  

• Have fun with it! Make it unique. I once officiated a wedding where the couple wanted both a sand ceremony and handfasting. It turned into an amazing, active ceremony. Another couple broke the traditional Jewish ceremonial wine glass with a hockey stick instead of stomping on it. The hockey stick was a pivotal symbol of their relationship. The point is, your wedding ceremony is only limited by your imagination.

If you're on the hunt for a wedding ceremony as lively and unique as your favorite dance moves, make sure you snag it! Don't settle for a snooze-fest when your big day should be all about you two lovebirds.